Getting to Know God's Character

I've started a new focus on reading through the Bible with the purpose of slowing down to meditate on the details.  I have been astounded by how the Lord has opened my eyes to new revelations of who he is.  As I read through Ephesians chapter 5 this morning the descriptive words jumped out at me.  As I listed them in my journal I was tempted to view them as a list of words I need to apply and grow in.  But, then I was overcome with a thought that was so superior to self-improvement, the idea that these are words that describe God's character first.  As I marveled at how God is perfectly worthy, humble, gentle, patient, righteous, tender-hearted and forgiving my focus changed.  I don't want to improve I want to be renewed!  If I change my gaze from the improvement of self to looking at the greatness of my Lord and his character will there be room for self-improvement?
I grieve for the lost time I've spent trying to change what the Lord created, trying to conform to a standard that was not His.  How often I have exchanged the freedom of my God and King that was bought for me with the blood of Jesus for rules, self-improvement, earthly standards.  I pray that no longer would this pharisee like bond hold me.  It is true just as cynicism is easier than hope, rules are easier to follow than to search and seek truth in all it's tremendous greatness.  At some point my mind became dull to the hunt for truth's treasure and wanted to settle for a to do list.
If my gaze is to change I am certain all the details of servant-hood will fall into place.  I won't need to fret about each rule being followed.  They will work themselves out when the focus is on the right prize.  I can be certain that this is the uncomfortable walk, that the boundaries are outside of my comfort zone and the truth and beauty are stretching and overwhelming.  Yet what excitement and joy lie in the challenge of seeing my God in increasing wonder and awe.