I don't want to pretend that I finally have things figured out but, a few things are becoming clear to me. One of them is that I rather like being 30. I don't feel the pressure to fit in, by the grace of God I belong to the best family ever with other's who call Jesus Christ their saviour.
I no longer feel the need to try and look or be perfect I feel content and confident that I am exactly the way the Lord wants me. Being at an age where I can dress in classic clothes without the hassle of trying to keep up with trends is refreshing and easy. I like not having to think about what is acceptable this season. I may look out of date, and that is okay with me.
I like that I finally figured out that my hair looks good dark and layered. Understanding that my breasts will never be in a position of perkiness again just makes me smile now. It use to annoy me to think that my stretch marks and saggy parts would never be young looking again. Now I feel that these are a badge of honor that I received as a gift to remind me of the privilege it is to have a body that is able and blessed to nourish and grow children. Some women never get the ability of doing this or miss the opportunity to really enjoy child bearing and rearing. I am thankful that I not only got the blessing of children, but have been duly blessed in being able to be home with them and teach them.
I like that I can finally come to the conclusion that I really cannot do things on my own and anything I have done, will do and can do is only because of the Holy Spirit's indwelling in me. As a younger adult I felt a pressure to prove myself, to somehow makeup for all the horrible sinful things I was as a youth, I no longer feel that burden. Christ's great love and acceptance have truly washed me clean and I no longer feel bonded to that old girl.
There are many more hurdles for me to jump, lessons for me to learn and wisdom for me to gain, in the meantime I am so content to know that I don't have to walk any of the long or winding, trying roads that got me here again, I just need to take the next step towards whatever the future the Lord has for me holds.